Picture this with me:
A smart, capable woman working on breaking her patterns of people pleasing is grappling with a BIG decision that will impact her future.
And unfortunately…there’s someone in her life that wants her answer, well…last week.
This was one of my clients recently, and as you can imagine, she was feeling pretty stuck. Guilty. Anxious. Torn. Uncertain. Like she was going round and round..and round again, on something that she really wanted clarity on.
When we dug into this a bit more, what we realised was something I see SO many smart, capable women struggle with.
She simply wasn’t ready to say yes to this thing yet. She couldn’t give it her whole heart. And she also wasn’t a clear ‘No’.
The tension was coming from the fact that her true answer (put simply, ‘I don’t know yet’) was dissatisfying to this other person she cared about.
And beneath that, she’s scared to lose them.
Their urgency – combined with her fear – had her feeling all kinds of guilt and frustration at herself that she didn’t have a clear answer…which of course was not helping her get any clearer.
But what I helped her realise was this:
“I don’t know yet” IS a complete answer – even if it’s uncomfortable and inconvenient for someone you love.
And for a woman recovering from patterns of overriding her deeper truth to keep the peace, this is Hard with a capital H.
If you struggle with this, the key is to slow down – like my client did – and before you rush yourself to know the right answer, to get okay with being in the uncertainty of not yet knowing.
Your “I don’t know yet” is valid.
Their needs are not instructions that you have to follow.
Take your time to discern what’s true to you – especially if the decision is important.
And – for the love of all things good – give yourself permission to disappoint someone else when you need to choose yourself.
If there’s something you’re grappling with right now, I’d love to hear about it.
